Paper 2 Question 1
Welcome to MIA, the home of the Manta Rays!
Some things about Marco Island Academy…
Classes
Here at MIA, the total number of students may surprise you. This school doesn’t hold as many students as other schools might. There are around 50 students per class but those numbers are slowly increasing with the bigger building. Because of the number of students, classes can range from 8 students to 22. This is very helpful when getting close to your teachers and getting that one on one that many students need. Also the teachers get to know you better and know where you need to improve and where your level is.
As for how the classes are run. MIA uses the blocking system. Students take 4 classes that last a little over an hour for the first semester. For the second semester they take 4 new classes. This is really helpful when one class requires another class to be taken first. So you could get both classes in one year.
Lunch
MIA’s lunch is broken up into Lunch A and Lunch B. Lunch A happens after the second block or class and Lunch B happens after the third block class. If you have lunch B you have one in my class before you leave which feels nice because the day feels shorter but remember to pack snacks if you get hungry easily.
Instead of a cafeteria, kids have an option of bringing their own lunch and heating it up using the microwaves provided, order Subway and have it delivered, or get snacks from MIA’s snack shack. They provide chips, lunch foods, soda, gatorade, water, and some sweets.
Activities
Do you enjoy sports, theater, art, or volunteering? There are tons of clubs and sport teams that could peak your interest. Key club is the most popular club which helps kids with their volunteer hours that they need to graduate. There is also a thespians club if you are into acting. Don’t like to travel and be competitive when acting. There is always the yearly school performance. Past performances have been Aladdin, Into the Woods, and the Little Mermaid. Want to start a club, you can do that too!
As for sports MIA has football, soccer, tennis, cheerleading, golf and more. And if you want to play a sport that isn’t here you can either play for Lely or talk to the Sport Director Miss Roberts and try to get that sport to be official.
MIA is always open to new things, full of opportunities, and always here for the Students. MIA prioritizes the kids’s needs so they can graduate with everything they need and more. Won’t you consider coming to MIA for the true high school experience.
Analysis
My audience is aimed towards incoming students so I used certain sentence structures to appeal to the kids. One thing I did frequently was ask questions that someone reading might have. This was a tactic of talking straight to the reader and single them out to make it seem more personal. This could make me seem way more friendly and caring about the reader even though I never meet them. I also connected to the reader through things they might like. No one likes school so making the day seem shorter would be something the reader would enjoy and like to have. Other things they would like would be the smaller community and one on one interaction with teachers.
Lastly I made sure to include everything the student could be passionate about to prove that they have a place and if there isn’t they could make it happen and they could take that leadership role. I mention it again at the end, how MIA is full of opportunities for the students and how they are put first. This was another way to make the student feel special and singled out.
On the AO2 scale, I would award you with 6 points. The main reason behind this is that I would label your content as “mostly relevant.” The task of this was to be informative about a students FIRST day. With the frequent use of the word “year” and future reference to things that take weeks to accomplish does not help the student get through their first day. Yes, it does help them to be successful at MIA but it lacks relevance to the given prompt.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, you lost points on the length of the response and analysis. Your first response was way over 400 words and then your analysis was under 200. So I would watch that next time, it will help your content if you pay attention to the word count.
You had a few grammatical errors as well as punctuation errors. But they did not impede communication. I knew what you meant but it wasn't structured properly. For example, you said “ As for how the classes are run. MIA uses the blocking system.” the first period should have been a comma.
Your structure was good as of your main headings and words underneath. However I think bullet points would have been more effective than paragraphs in terms of a leaflet. I also think you should have talked more about the purpose of a leaflet and its informative purposes in your analysys. This was an easy way to gain some points. Just make sure you focus more on the prompt and what it entails.
You did address the audience pretty well, but I would not call them engaged. So I bumped you down to limited evidence because the fact that you were off topic would leave the student confused in reading this as to what to do on their first day.
On the AO3 scale, I would award you with 2 points. Your analysis was under the minimum word count so I did not have much to grade off of. This means that you have done the minimum in terms of your analysis of form, structure and language. Also, you have done the minimum when it comes to relating the stylistic choices to the writing itself. I put you in the upper minimum because the points you made were good but I felt that you could have explained them more and used some quoted evidence to emphasize those explanations.
For your blog I will give you a 7/15. I like your structure and how it flows. However, you sometimes get off topic which leads the reader on a confusing journey. You do repeat a lot of things which throws the reader off again. I like the organization of your different paragraphs that you talk about, this helped me get back on track reading again. Your task was definitely achieved and most is relevant.
ReplyDeleteFor part B I will give you 3/10 marks. You do briefly mention your audience and sentence structure, but you neglect to use certain examples of form or language or normal structure. Your analysis was really too short to even grade off.
I think that In AO2 your leaflet was very well structured I liked how long each paragraph was it seemed like a good length and each one gave very good descriptions of what the topic was about. The text is logically organized and every idea seemed developed. There weren’t any errors that I noticed so they didn’t impede communication. The task was achieved well and the audience was engaged in the reading. I would give you 9 marks for AO2
ReplyDeleteFor AO3 I thought that you wrote very well and you showed a clear analysis of the form, structure, and language that you used in your leaflet. I liked that you showed a clear reason as to why you asked questions to the audience. I also thought you did a good job at showing the word choices that you used. For AO3 I would give you 6 marks.
AO2: First off, in terms of structure, you lost points because your leaflet was over the limit of 400 words. Everything could have been slimmed down in the leaflet because all the information was slightly overwhelming and the purpose of the leaflet is to calm down new students and give them a warm welcome. So make sure to remember word count when reading a prompt. As for your score, I give you an 8.
ReplyDeleteAO3: I give you a 4/10 because your analysis was too short for the word count and the shortness showed through in your writing, as I feel like you could have analyzed more.